For this Friday Night Creature Feature Edition, I'd like to focus not on BIG Y'EYEMAH McNEBBISH (née YEASTULS) -- wife of LOSETURD Q. McNEBBISH -- but instead a dear family friend, HYSTERICAL GEE (a.k.a., "The Hysterical One" or the Spaz-Manian Devil):
You could catch "H.G." screaming, shrieking, and yowling manic-depressive-wise on any night at the local karaoke bar. His theme song was set to Bill Haley and the Comets' "Rock Around the Clock" but remastered as "Shriek Around the Bar": (an excerpt of the lyrics to which include)
One, two, three o'clock, four o'clock SHRIEK!
Five, six, seven o'clock, eight o'clock SHRIEK!
Nine, ten, eleven o'clock, twelve o'clock SHRIEK!
He's gonna shriek around the bar tonight...
He's gonna shriek, shriek, shriek 'til last call flight!
When the clock strikes two, three and four
As the vodka ebbs, he'll shriek POUR MORE!
As I noted some time ago, he'd also randomly shriek pop cultural gibberish during embarrassing dinner parties:
"ROCK ON! ROCK ON! OH! OH! OH! DIDJYA HEAR!?! DIDJYA HEAR!?! AVRIL LAVIGNE IS TEAMING UP WITH USHER TO DO A LIVE REMAKE OF LITHIUM FROM EVANESCENCE'S THE OPEN DOOR RELEASE NEXT MONTH AT NISSAN PAVILION!"
He'd also spout that infinitely annoying passive-aggressive gibberish when you were feeling down: "I'LL BE DROPPIN' YA NAME IN A YEEEEEAHH!!"
I fucking hated that. It was all part of the extreme mania.
There were also the many, many weird, embarrassing, and even bizarre episodes.
But, alas, one day, H.G. was shrieking on a car drive across the desert and he drove right off a cliff in mid-manic-shriek. The GPS said to go straight when, obviously, the road was out but GOD DAMMIT, H.G. was going to do it HIS WAY and technology COULD NOT fail.
Not to worry, though, because the main part of H.G. -- the shrieking part -- survived and on occasion, H.G.'s head will unexpectedly come and go, shrieking, yowling, and howling in a manic frenzy.
So keep your eyes and ears tuned, kiddies, 'cuz you never know when old H.G. will come shrieking your way.
ROCK ON! ROCK ON! ROCK ON!