Friday, March 16, 2018

BIG Y'EYEMAH's Friday Night Creature Feature for March 16th, 2018: Sunday Midday Brunch With Ma Wide Spot and Pa Walrus

Scene setter: BIG Y'EYEMAH (a.k.a., The BIG YO-YO'MY'MAH), Loseturd Q. McNebbish, plus eight feral cats and a mangy dog in a ramshackle trailer at the edge of Pleasant Vista and Aroma Trailer Homes on the east side of Trump "Believe Me" Village, itself on the south side of New GOP'rusalem City.

Additional scene center: The BIG Y'EYEMAH's parents -- "Ma" Wide Spot and "Pa" Walrus Lickums -- are over for after-church Sunday brunch.

Ma Wide Spot [surveying the filth and clutter of the trailer]: Wwwwwhhhhyyyy is this trailer such a mess??

BIG Y'EYEMAH: There is just so much to keep up and I can't really get around much. And Loseturd is working four jobs these days, so he's pretty booked most of the time.

Ma Wide Spot: Wwwwwwhhhhhere are you working again?

Loseturd Q. McNebbish: I work at McDonald's, Walmart, the Dollar Store, and the Valero gas station down the road. But not to worry because the TRUMP TAX CUTS should really help us make ends meet this year.

Pa Walrus [making low walrus grunting and gurgling noises]: Uuuuuhhhh, that's riiiighttt. Did I mention that in 1981 I read an article in the Washington Post and it was liberal? It had a box around it on the front page.

BIG Y'EYEMAH [in her Hoveround brings paper plates ladled with globes of macaroni-and-cheese mixed with low grade ground chuck from-a-bag heated in a microwave to a rickety table around which are three folding chairs and a space for her extra wide wheelchair]: Lunch is served.

Pa Walrus [making low walrus grunting and gurgling noises]: I brought some Beaujolais wine. Loseturd, Wide-spot, you'll both have some, yes? How 'bout you BIG Y'EYEMAH?

BIG Y'EYEMAH [breaking wind]: Coke, please.

Pa Walrus [shaking manifold of jowls, rasping for breath, gurgling]: OK. Did I mention that once in 1986, I had to answer a Congressional inquiry? Yeah.

Ma Wide Spot: Well, where I grew up, my town was just a wide spot in the road.

Loseturd Q. McNebbish: Gee, I didn't realize how hard you two had it. I think I'll go out and get a fifth job.

BIG Y'EYEMAH [to Loseturd]: Do you really think you need that glass of wine? Are you forgetting how you came to The Lord (TM) when we got engaged?

Loseturd [looking sad and forlorn]: You're right, BIG Y'EYEMAH. [Turning to Ma Wide Spot]: She's right. When I married this little lady, I made a vow to The Lord (TM) that I would stay sober.

Ma Wide Spot: Besides, Y'EYEM tells me she enough bought dessert for everyone.

BIG Y'EYEMAH [back at the stove while breaking wind more forcefully and fiddling with the stove knobs]: Oh, bother. I think there's another gas leak in the stove. I smell gas --

Loseturd Q. McNebbish: Not to worry, my betrothed. I'll check it --


The End.


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