Friday, December 1, 2017

BIG Y'EYEMAH's Friday Night Creature Feature for Dec. 1st, 2017: Trickle Down Socio-Economics -OR- Job Creators and Springing a GOP Leak


Scene setter: BIG Y'EYEMAH (a.k.a., The BIG YO'MYE'MAH), Loseturd Q. McNebbish, plus eight feral cats and a mangy dog in a ramshackle trailer at the edge of Pleasant Vista and Aroma Trailer Homes on the east side of Trump "Believe Me" Village, itself on the south side of New GOP'rusalem City.


Additional scene setter: Big "Y" and Loserturd seated a cluttered particle board table eating a dinner of corned cheese, sauerkraut, hotdogs, and pork-n-beans. And drinking warm Diet Coke. Sink stuffed with dirty dishes and filthy water while faucet steadily leaks. Drip. Drip. Drip.


Loserturd Q. McNebbish: Say, BIG Y'EYEMAH, it's been a year since the last round of GOP Tax Cuts for Makers, and all that wealth has yet to TRICKLE DOWN.

BIG Y'EYEMAH: Coo. Coo. The wealth will be tricking down ANY DAY now. Mom and Dad said so.

Loserturd Q. McNebbish: Do you really think so, BIG Y'EYEMAH??

BIG Y'EYEMAH: Coo. Coo. The Lord will provide.


Soft, soothing farting noises from BIG Y'EYEMAH's posterior.

Loserturd Q. McNebbish: I'm really looking forward to all that wealth tricking down. Maybe we can even buy a new flat screen TV. We're maxed out on all our credit cards now. We can't even pay this month's rent.  

Drip - Drip - Drip noises from the sink.

BIG Y'EYEMAH: We just have to have an ABUNDANCE OF FAITH. Donald Trump and the GOP assure us they are looking out for us. The wealth is guaranteed to trickle down thanks to the JOB CREATORS and their CONFIDENCE.

Drip - Drip - Drip noises from the sink.


Loserturd Q. McNebbish: I like it when wealth trickles down from the Job Creators.

BIG Y'EYEMAH: Me, too. Can you pass the CORNED CHEESE??


Flimsy door behind the kitchen flies open and out comes Wild Child Annabelle Mae dressed like a 1980s head-banger video vamp.

Annabelle Mae: You're both fucking idiots. You aren't getting any trickled down wealth. You're both duped tools who will die in this trailer park.

Loserturd Q. McNebbish: I DON'T LIKE IT WHEN YOU SAY MEAN THINGS!

Annabelle Mae: You're such clueless losers. You can't be my real parents.

Loserturd Q. McNebbish: DO YOU HEAR HOW SHE TALKS, BIG Y'EYEMAH??

BIG Y'EYEMAH: Coo. Coo. There, there. We need more love in this house.

Annabelle Mae: Yeah, right. Whatever. I'm going out.

BIG Y'EYEMAH (all doe-eyed and soothing): Where are you going?

Annabelle Mae: None of your goddamn business. But if you must know, Red Dawg is picking me up and we're going to go cruisin'. We'll hit a few bars, smoke some weed, and end up at that slammin' new dance club down by the docks, RANK. Don't wait up.

Loserturd Q. McNebbish: NO!! I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU, I DON'T WANT YOU TO SEE HIM!! HE'S BAD!! He took a dump on our front lawn that time he was drunk and high!


Annabelle Mae: Yeah, right. And his dump was done on a dare, and it was HILARIOUS, especially watching you running around the yard at three in the morning trying to clean it up. Now give me 200 Trump Dollars.

Loserturd Q. McNebbish: NO! I won't.

Annabelle Mae reaches in Loserturd's pocket, grabs wallet, and quickly starts riffling through it, taking out all the remaining cash.


Loserturd Q. McNebbish: DID YOU SEE THAT, BIG Y'EYEMAH?? WHAT DO WE DO??

BIG Y'EYEMAH: Coo. Coo. We'll sort it all later. Just let her have the money.

Annabelle Mae: Later, losers.

Door slams. More farting noises from BIG Y'EYEMAH's posterior. Drip-drip-drip noises from the sink.

Loserturd Q. McNebbish: I'm sad, BIG Y'EYEMAH.

BIG Y'EYEMAH: There, there. Just think of how much better things will be when that money from the JOB CREATORS starts tricking down.

Loserturd Q. McNebbish: What's that smell? God, BIG Y'EYEMAH, take some Gas-X. A WHOLE CARTON.

BIG Y'EYEMAH: It's just a little gas. And you know I can't help it.

Drip-drip-drip noises in the sink followed by a behind-the-wall pipe-quake.

BIG Y'EYEMAH: Oh, dear. Sounds like that pipe is vibrating again.

Loserturd Q. McNebbish: Well, time to put on Fox News.

BIG Y'EYEMAH: Coo. Coo.

KA-BOOM in the sink, water shooting across the ramshackle kitchen, filthy dishes crashing onto the linoleum floor.

Loserturd Q. McNebbish: Oh, no, BIG Y'EYEMAH! The sink sprung a bad leak! The kitchen is flooding! And we have no insurance or money! 

BIG Y'EYEMAH: Ssshhhh ... Fox News is on. They report. We decide.


#MAGA! Idiots.

The End.

--Regulus

2 comments:

к.нео.физ.де.му said...

there's gotta be jonathan swift in there somewheres...

Regulus said...

Now that WAS an effect I was going for ... Thank you!