Friday, March 17, 2017

BIG Y'EYEMAH's Friday Night Creature Feature for March 17th, 2017, St. Patrick's Day Edition: "Luck of the Irish," No; Breaking Big Wind, Yes!

Scene: BIG Y'EYEMAH, Little Annabelle Mae, yours truly (Lostard T. McNebbish) and eight feral cats and a mangy dog in a ramshackle trailer at the edge of Pleasant Vista and Aroma Trailer Homes on the east side of Trumpkin Village, itself on the south side of New Jerusalem City.

BIG Y'EYEMAH eating a large vat of leathery corned beef and slimy cabbage.

BIG Y'EYEMAH: Mmmmm ... Tasty. Eat your corned beef and cabbage, Little Annabelle Mae.

Little Annabelle Mae: I HATE THIS CRAP! AND I HATE YOU!

BIG Y'EYEMAH: There. There, Little Annabelle May. Remember: God provides and Jesus saves at Walmart.

Little Annabelle Mae: I'M RUNNING AWAY WITH MY BOYFRIEND! HE CAN DRIVE! And we're going to HAVE SEX and you're gonna pay for the ABORTION!! Ha ha!!

BIG Y'EYEMAH: Tee hee hee. Isn't she precious, Lostard?? Coo. Coo. Put down those matches, love.

Me: OK, my beloveds, it's time to watch the St. Patrick's Day Lucky Charm Stakes horserace from Crapaleah racetrack. I bet our last 1200 Trump dollars on a SURE FIRE bet: Shamrock's Snatch in the Hatch.

BIG Y'EYEMAH: You bet all our money?? Was that the Christian thing to do? Oh, bother.

Me: Yes, love. This horse is guaranteed to win. You know how careful I am with our money, BIG Y'EYEMAH, but this is a one time sure-fired way to quadruple our money. And, of course, I'll give a portion of it in our usual weekly Loser Love Offering at our church.

Little Annabelle Mae: YOU'RE GONNA LOSE, LOSER!

BIG Y'EYEMAH (eating a huge, healthy heaping of cabbage): There, there, Little Annabelle Mae.

[Announcer on the television: And there's off!]

Me: Come on Shamrock's Snatch in the Hatch! You can do it! You can do it!

[Announcer: Blah. Blah. Blah. Blah. And they're rounding the clubhouse turn. Blah. Blah. Blah. Uh, oh, Shamrock's Snatch in the Hatch just took a nasty spill and isn't moving.]

Me: AAAAIIGGHH! NOOOO!!! It just CAN'T BE! I was given a PROMISE by Gary!!

Little Annabelle Mae: HA HA HA!

Me: Well, I guess we're ruined. I'll get a third job. I feel a little queasy.

BIG Y'EYEMAH: I feel a little gassy. [Leaning out of her wheelchair] Uh, oh ...

Me: What's wrong, BIG Y'EYEMAH??

BIG Y'EYEMAH: Oh, bother. I think I'm about to, about to, oh, dear -


[BIG Y'EYEMAH breaks massive wind. Trailer explodes, blown to smithereens. Cats flying every which way. Dog sent into a neighbor's above-ground swimming pool. BIG Y'EYEMAH knocked out of her wheelchair. Lostard flung across the trailer park and into the highway running along it, smack into oncoming high-speed traffic. THUD!]

BIG Y'EYEMAH: Oh, bother.

Annabelle Mae [amid the wreckage]: YAY!

BIG Y'EYEMAH on the ground: WAAHH! I didn't get to finish my corned beef and cabbage!

The end.

OK, that's all for now.

For tonight, dinner at Harry's Pub and a stop at Trade and No. 9. I'm still very tired, though. I still didn't quite get enough sleep last night. Tomorrow is a gym afternoon and laundry evening. I intend to post a Saturday Evening Post tomorrow night, but I'm short on music for a Jukebox Saturday Night edition, so I may just recycle some songs.


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