Monday, August 4, 2014

A Celebration of America: My Very First Flat Screen TV and $72/Year For The Golden Girls

My new flat screen television (not quite set up) in its new home, my micro-insane asylum and dust bin apartment, Washington, D.C., 11:46PM August 4, 2014.

Oooh, the language you'll hear and the drama you'll see, little TV. From me, that is, not what I watch. That's pretty easy and tame.

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My slightly used new flat screen television arrived safely. It's a 19" ViewSonic. It was a "spare" TV that my mom and Ray had in their Anny Runnell Kenny place.

Whoever boxed it up did an outstanding job. It was in layers of bubble wrap sealed with duct tape and cardboard and deep inside a large box filled with those little aerated peanuts. Like several thousand of them (actually more like 6,000 to 8,000, if I had to estimate). In all their petrochemical derivative glory (although they are possibly starchy biodegradable -- I can't really tell). The box could have fallen 10 feet and the TV would have been fine.

Pastel Multi-hued Packing peanuts galore!

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I now join all those buccal-pumping frogs and their nasty wives -- ex-friends of mine -- who live in houses filled with flat-screen TVs and other consumerist junk. No sticky, poopy kids, though.

Above: A picture of any one of a number of my straight male ex-friends about seven years after getting married - whether or not they had reproduced.

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The only issue now is that I have to actually hook it up. Apparently, the current digital box will work with its coaxial cable hookup, but it is supposedly a better picture and sound with a high-definition digital box.

For this reason and because I don't want to have any issue synchronizing the remote controls (the one it came with and the RCN universal remote), I have decided to let an RCN technician do the hookup. I'm a HIGHLY risk-averse person, and so I prefer him (I'm assuming the RCN technician is a guy) to it even though I probably could just plug a coaxial cable into its little plug on the television.

The RCN fellow (Dan), who (as is usually the case with RCN operators) was very pleasant, helpful, and knowledgeable, tried to get me to upgrade even higher to various levels of TiVo. When he finished, I remarked, "And the next step up is to have RCN fly you out to Hollywood to be at the production studio."

Well, I thought it was funny.

The new high-definition digital box adds about $5/month plus tax to the overall cost, but I'm willing to pay for it. My total cable and internet bill will now go back up to just over $128/month. I had gotten it down to $120.63/month of late from as high as $145.

My bill includes cable TV and "high-speed" internet -- NOW TWICE AS FAST FOR VIEWING CZECH GAY PORN AND DOWNLOADING YOUR FAVORITE RUSSIAN MALWARE, CHINESE SPYWARE, AND AMERICAN CRAPWARE!

The internet is a frickin' sewer.

Also, both it and cable have done the EXACT OPPOSITE of spreading "enlightenment" or whatever crap some for-rent techno-glibertarian "TECH CENTRAL" pundit circa 1999 promised, thanks to all the ginned-up for-profit information and entertainment bubbles.


But let's refrain from that discussion now.

One item I must relate:

My bill includes $5.99/month for "the family package" of five cable channels. I have it because one of those channels is Hallmark, the only frickin' network that regularly shows The Golden Girls (except in the November - December period when it is all Christmas movies).

So this means I am paying $72/year (plus tax) to watch reruns of a 20 to 25-year old show, every episode of which I have seen at least 200 times and have memorized by heart.

God Bless America.

 Wall-P is very happy.

"Eh. Eh. Ehehehe. Telecom law forms the structure upon which telecommunications technology exists as an enabling and disruptive technology that also serves the highest good of increasing shareholder value -"

Ohhh, shut-up, Wall-P, you little spambot.

At some point, I might just give up cable TV altogether. I watch about 4 channels and two of them are digital over-the-air.

As for my old TV -- a blocky mid-1990s Magnavox -- I need to have it hauled away.It's final resting place will be the Fort Totten Transfer Station. Or maybe in a junk pile exported under a WTO / GATT "Free Trade" agreement to some Third World country, which would make Sebastian Mallaby and The Washington Consensus happy.

--Regulus

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