Friday, February 10, 2017

Friday Night Creature Feature for Feb. 10, 2017: BIG Y'EYEMAH's Lovely Snowy Evening Vignette

1700 block New Hampshire Avenue NW, Washington, D.C., 5:52PM February 10, 2017.

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Scene: Momentary snowsquall in an otherwise ridiculously warm winter somehow in Donald TrumpWorld.

[BIG Y'EYEMAH looks up from her computer screen, giggles. Four -- or twenty four -- cats around her wheelchair meowing. Cheap particle board flakes down. Exposed overhead wires. Giggles again. Dials her long-time and deeply beloved -- Losertard Q(ueer) McRingWorm -- using her smartphone with the cracked screen, her enormous fingers pressing three to four keys at the same time, so multiple corrections required.]


[Ring. Ring.]

Losertard Q. McRingWorm: YEAH??? AAAAAHHH!!!

BIG Y'EYEMAH: [Giggling]: Do you see the crazy snow falling??!

Losertard Q. McRingWorm: I DO, BIG Y'EYEMAH! I'M RUNNIN' AROUND OUTSIDE IN IT! WEEEE!!!!

BIG Y'EYEMAH: [More giggling]: I knew you'd love it! TRULY, JESUS IS LORD!

Dupont Circle fountain, Washington, D.C., 5:44PM February 10, 2017

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Losertard Q. McRingWorm: AAAAIIIHHH!! I'M ALL IN A FAMILY WAY!! [Horn honking wildly.] WHOA! THAT WAS REALLY CLOSE!

BIG Y'EYEMAH: Be careful out there!

Losertard Q. McRingWorm: Look out, you son-of-a-bitch! [More wild horn honking. Indistinct screaming]


BIG Y'EYEMAH: What's going on??

Losertard Q. McRingWorm: BIG Y'EYEMAH, I THINK THAT IDIOT'S TRYIN' TO RUN ME DOWN! YES, HE IS!!

BIG Y'EYEMAH: QUICK! GO INSIDE!!

Losertard Q. McRingWorm: OH, MY GOD, BIG Y'EYEMAH, I AAAIIHHH --!!! [Screeching tires, screams, loud thud, silence -- except for the howling wind.]

BIG Y'EYEMAH: WHAT HAPPENED?!?! LOSERTARD! LOSERTARD! WAAAHHH! Who will help me chew my cud??

OK, that's all for now.

Thank you, Big Y.

Oh, by the way, did you know that when you go to a bar where the good and the great M. WADE Tipamillyun is the barkeep, you are entitled only to "courteous service" and the drink you ordered, and he's entitled to tips as ginormous as they are undercounted.

And at that point, he quacks:

"Like, oh, my Gahwd, B.K. and I are going to be SUCH the power couple as soon as he graduates from that Wart On School! And I'm, like, yeah, WHATEVAHHH!! QUACK! QUACK! QUACK! QUACK!"

Idiot. But as long as I lower my expectations, I should be fine.

--Regulus

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