Sunday, June 19, 2016

Happy Father's Day 2016 -OR- All In The Family Dysfunctional Way ...


A Father's Day wish ...

Text message at 1:04PM: Happy Fathers Day. I hope ur having a good day. I will try to give you a call later. Love, Richard.

Dad calls at 9:46PM after a few weeks of no contact. Call lasts 1 minute 02 seconds:

[Call comes in. I have my frickin' worthless flip-open cellphone on my stupid"dinner" table on which Wall-P once had sex and now it's mine, and aren't I lucky??]

Me: Hello...?
Dad: Yeah. Hey, Rich. I thought you might call since it's Father's Day but you didn't - '
Me: I did, too! Don't give me that shit. I texted 8 hours ago AND I tried to call you--
Dad: I didn't see anything on this phone --
Me: Fuck that. It's not my fault if your phone NEVER gets a call or sees a text message. I contacted you.
Dad: Well, I didn't see it, so it's not my fucking fault!
Me: Fuck that and fuck you. I contacted you multiple times. I'm sick of the mind games you play with me with that piece of shit phone. I contacted you. I always try to contact you but can never reach you-!
Dad: Don't blame me, you're fucking sick--!!
Me: NO, FUCK YOU!! YOU'RE FUCKING SICK, YOU SONOFABITCH! I'm sick and tired of your mind games!!

[SIMULTANEOUS CLICKS]


Me (referring to actual instances that happened on a trip to Charleston, S.C., in March 1982 and later in New Jersey circa 1989) about to send a text message (at 9:50PM): [REDACTED] -- ABOUT TO HIT SEND BUTTON until a text arrives --

Text arrives 9:52PM: I got the text 1:04pm. Thanx for the thought. Sorry I missed it.

Follow-up: [Nothing]


Happy Father's Day.

I'm sorry, grandma. Things aren't always what they seem. But I do miss and love you very much. Things are good with my mom, though. It's true.

--Regulus

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